Dying for Perfection
by Team M
Summary: "Miley," it came out so shaky, "you're going to die." She didn't think before the words came out. "Then at least I'll die thin." xNiley, oneshot.


**Dying for Perfection**

As he walked into her room he couldn't help but gasp at the sight. She sat there, holding what had always been her favorite teddy bear in her skinny jeans, sitting with her legs pulled up against her chest. She turned when she heard him, her eyes sullen and tired. She wasn't glowing anymore.

"Your turn to check on me?" she asked toneless.

"Miley?"

She dropped the bear, spreading her legs out and sitting up a little straighter. She was gone. Literally only bone was left.

_Craving is only a feeling._

"What…"

"It's just a little weight loss," she rolled her eyes. "Nothing to worry about."

But the girl in front of him was definitely something to worry about. Her collar bones popped out, her inner thighs didn't seem to touch no matter what angle she put them in, her hair was thinning… How did this happen?

"You don't look healthy, Mi," he broke the news to her. But he didn't dare say that she looked too skinny. He learned from Demi how twisted those words can get. Mean it as an insult, receive it as a compliment.

Miley stood up, placing a hand on her hip, her shirt rising a little to reveal the skin on her stomach, the fatless skin. "Look at me. I can walk, I can move, breath, nothing hurts, I've never felt better!"

_I'm not there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday._

"How much are you eating?" he asked incredulously. They were all so busy worrying about Demi that they didn't even notice the other one suffering. He cursed himself in his mind, because if it came to saving one over the other and making sure one was okay compared to other, it'd always be Miley for him, and he let her down this time.

She looked him straight in the eyes, not even hesitating. "1,200 calories a day."

"What'd you have for breakfast?"

_If it tastes good it's trying to kill you._

"Cereal."

"Yesterday?"

"Eggs."

"What kind of cereal?"

"Lucky charms, what else?"

"You're lying." He crossed his arms, uncrossed them, grabbed one of her bony arms. "There's no way there is any marshmallow in you."

"There is," she nodded, still not batting an eyelash at what he knew were lies. "Nick, it's Demi with the eating disorder, not me."

"You can't be more than a size zero," he argued. "Hell, you're probably double zero."

"Her thoughts are just so scary sometimes-"

"You must not weigh over ninety pounds."

"She's fighting through it, I think she's gonna stay strong. She just-"

"Shut up!" he snapped. She jumped, looking at him wide-eyed. He stepped closer, holding what she called shoulders. But he was gentle. Press too hard and she might snap in half. "Tell me the truth, Miley."

_I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control, I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul._

"I am."

"How many calories do you eat? And if you dare say 1,200 I will rush you to a clinic this second."

She stared at him. He stared right back.

"How many, Miley?"

She looked down. "I try to keep it under 200. 300 if it was a bad day."

"What did you have for breakfast today?" he repeated.

"Nothing."

"And yesterday?"

"I don't like breakfast… or lunch… or if we're being really honest, dinner."

_A moment on the lips, forever on the hips._

His face fell. She was in a dark place right now and she didn't even know it.

"Don't give me that look," she rolled her eyes. Same old Miley. "It's just a diet, Nick."

He didn't want this version of her to say his name.

"I just want to be thin."

She was better before.

"I just want to be perfect."

She was perfect before.

"I don't want to be fat anymore."

She never was.

"I don't want them to hate me."

They always will.

"I just… I want to be flawless, you know?"

He stares at her, all across her face. Now he sees flaws. The blemishes, the pale-gray skin, the stringy hair, the circles under her eyes, but before? Before all of this he saw none of that. The girl in the pictures with him on his walls was flawless already.

_You can never be too rich or too thin._

"You were before," he tells her. There's so much pain in his voice that it breaks her heart, but that's not enough. Him saying that just isn't enough anymore.

"But before you were the only one who thought so."

"How much do you weigh?"

"More than I want to," she quipped. "But I'm getting there."

His voice quivered and she felt horrible for doing this to him. She didn't want to upset anyone. They shouldn't be so worried about her dieting. She had it all under control.

"Miley," it came out so shaky, "you're going to die."

She didn't think before the words came out. "Then at least I'll die thin."

"What about me?"

_Not eating light makes your clothes tight._

She shrugged, emotionless. "What about you?"

"I-"

"Don't say it," she warned. "You haven't been around for the past two years, Nick. Just because you suddenly care doesn't make you the victim."

"We talked all the time the past two years."

"About Demi. Making sure she was okay. About our careers. About possible publicity, but what about my family, your family, the bong scandal, you and Delta, me and Liam, me and _you, _the things that real friends talk about?"

"Don't change the subject."

"Don't avoid the topic."

"You're destroying yourself."

_Thin has a taste all its own._

"You did that a long time ago."

His heart sunk. They weren't getting anywhere. He couldn't even fight with her anymore, he'd lost.

"I want you to get better. I don't care about the past, but if you aren't alive in the future-"

"Oh my _God!_ I'm fine! You guys are all so paranoid!"

_If you want to see food, look at those thighs!_

"Yeah? How much do you weigh?"

She crossed her arms, just staring at him.

"Ninety-five pounds? Ninety?"

"Eighty-five," she muttered. She was quite proud of it too, getting ten pounds lighter than Demi. Oh, yeah, Nick bet she was pretty damn proud.

"You're sick," he announced.

A twisted, sad smile came across her face. "I know."

_The secret of success is the consistency to pursue._

"You're mother's worried out of her mind about you," he reminded. "Noah is so confused, all she knows is that you probably weigh less than her right now."

"I know."

"So stop."

"It's not that simple," she shook her head. "You don't understand."

"Explain it to me then, why this is so important!"

"It's all I've ever wanted," she looked away from him again, back out the window. "All I've ever wanted was to be thin and pretty and perfect. And if dying is the cost…"

_Calories can't make you happy._

"If dying is the cost?" he urged her to go on.

She shrugged. "At least I'll have gotten what I wanted."

_Because nothing tastes as good as thin feels._

**this is oneshot based on boredom before work. i didn't edit/reread it so sorry for the mistakes or crappy plot, hahha. impulse update. tell me what you thought(:**_  
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